Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
