So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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