don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
