my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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