i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
