How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
