Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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