non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
