I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
