i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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