She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
