Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
