We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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