you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i came on her dog
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
