The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
