it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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