Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
