I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
