Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
