I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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