I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
