I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
