forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just cropdusted the office
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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