can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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