walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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