I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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