I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
