she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
