what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
