i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
