Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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