can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
