just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
