Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
