My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
