With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
