Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
