you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
