Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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