This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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