it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize