I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize