Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
