Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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