Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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