i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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