I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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