Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
