May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
