remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize