Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
