My Higher Power is John Stamos
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
