I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize