I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
