Plan B is the new Plan A
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
