Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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