I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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