Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
