So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Panties = found
Randomize
