Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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