I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
