Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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