the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
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I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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