I smell stomach acid.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
