apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i black out too much to be "responsible"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize