So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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