were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
