she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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