can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
