Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
