Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
