I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
