you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
whose ass print is on the piano?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
