just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
