just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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