No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
