OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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