DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
