So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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