The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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