I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
