fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
