We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
