I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
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An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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